Thursday, August 22, 2013

On Plastic Straws...



Causes.com just sent me an email asking me to sign a petition to get Applebee's to stop giving out straws.

I guess I'm a total douchebag to want straws in my drinks when kids are starving in Africa. But I really like straws. In fact, this email got me thinking that I like straws so much that I should buy some for home. Way to go, Causes.com!

Applebee's says they will still give you straws if you ask, but I don't want to be the guy that's flagging someone down for a straw; that guy is a douchebag. The waitstaff is already earning 71% less than minimum wage. Is Applebee's going to give them a raise for the added hassle of stingily doling out straws? Or hire more waitstaff? I doubt it.

Also not sure why I would be eating at an Applebee's. But maybe I have a business trip in Texas and every single non-chain restaurant was wiped out by a hurricane. It could happen.

If I'm not going to get a yummy Diet Pepsi with a straw in it, I might as well order beer. Applebee's serves Bud Light which is so watery that I'll drink five of them. Then I'll drive drunk and kill a 7-year-old, all because I wanted to keep 0.3 grams of plastic out of a landfill.

The blood of that dead child is on your hands, Causes.com! Next time, pick a real cause.

1 comment:

slymongoose said...

Bravo, Sir!
Having been a server, I can reassure you that asking for a straw is probably the LEAST offensive request you can make of a server. SRSLY it's not a big deal.
Still, excellent points!